My last weeks were challenging.
I'm having a wild year. Moving in with my partner, becoming a stepfather, travel, qualifying as a Mind Body guide, launching my practice and doing freelance work to support the transition.
It's a privilege and it's exciting. And it's a lot of shifting identities. Set against the backdrop of a world in dramatic flux. And my own not-yet-totally-healed tendency to want to get everything right.
After a challenging few months a few weeks ago some critical work opportunities didn't line up the way I hoped — and I broke down. It was alarming. I ran out of steam.
Then came a new source of shame. I am a Mind Body guide. I should know better. I've experienced profoundly healing states. Why can't I hold this?
But gladly things are different now. Yes, it's still challenging. But I am far more resourced than before. I was held and I allowed myself to fall. And the universe showed me the steps I needed to take.
I saw my functional doctor. He's a psychologist and gifted acupuncturist. He gave me tools for my mind and deeply reset my nervous system with just one needle. I saw my therapist too.
A friend took me to a festival. Lying on the floor of the forest for a weekend crying — grieving my fallibility — was cathartic. I needed more time in nature.
On the ride home I met someone who invited me to camp on her land. So I spent last week there in the woods.
Feelings of depression and anxiety came. When they arise they trigger the memory of brutal past episodes. My body remembers very dark long months. My nervous system doesn’t know time.
But this time I used the same tools I use with clients:
Witness the feelings.
Allow it all.
It's not "me".
It's just energy moving through.
Face it.
Welcome the guests as Rumi says.
Release, release, release.
And then something shifted.
Miraculously. The fog lifted. Tension released.
Reconnection. Capacity. Creativity.
And again excitement to serve others. To share these powerful methods with others walking their own paths.
If you've been in the fog I can relate deeply. There are wonderful tools and great people that can support you. And nature, friends and having the courage to take leaps of faith are so important.